Tsunami,
M&D's Scotland/British Fairs
I feel sorry
for the people who live next door to Alan Titchmarsh. Every week, they
must go out with their Flymo and trim the lawn, only to peer over the
fence and see that the grass is oh-so-greener on the other side. They
probably come home from the garden centre on Sunday mornings with a new
pot plant, only to find Alan has outdone them again by installing some
gigantic marvel of modern horticulture. Much as they must want to hate
him, they have to grudgingly admit that even his poorest efforts are
still light years ahead of anything they’ll ever manage themselves. I
feel a special empathy for their plight, for I am part of that
long-suffering group, a fairground fan who just happens to be British.
What’s so
wrong with being a British fairground fan, I hear you ask. Well, it can
just be so demoralising. We’ve got some excellent rides touring our
green and pleasant land, and every year, I’ll visit some of
Britain’s biggest fairs, and have a fine old time. Once in a while,
however, I’ll go over to Germany and come
back awe-struck. Much as I
try to convince myself otherwise, even a medium-sized German fair is
insurmountably superior to anything you’ll find in Blighty. If you
have not experienced it for yourself, it is difficult to explain the
size of the gulf without making you think I’m exaggerating. As much as
I hate to say so, comparing German fairs with British ones is like
comparing the Olympic Games to a school sports day.
When it was
announced that Scottish showmen M&D Taylor were to buy Tsunami, a
Pinfari “Xpress” inverted coaster, it was undoubtedly a great moment
for British fair fans. At last, we would have a decent sized coaster on
the road. Sadly, two things peppered the good news. Firstly, the coaster
wouldn’t actually do much travelling, as it would spend most of its
time at M&D’s Theme Park in Scotland, and only appear at larger
fairs, such as Nottingham or Hull (never both, as the dates are too
close to allow it to be moved in time), and special events, like
2003’s Winter Wonderland at the Millennium Dome. Secondly, it was
difficult to celebrate the news without feeling rather overshadowed by
the fact that Germany has, for over two decades, boasted numerous
coasters that were not only transportable, but world class in their own
right. When you think of Dreier Looping, Thriller, Olympia Looping, Star
World, Alpina Bahn, and particularly EuroStar, a Pinfari inverter
suddenly seems pretty meagre in comparison.
Still, we want
to show the showmen that it is worth touring coasters to in Britain, so
let’s head down to that fairground. For a relatively small ride,
Tsunami has a surprisingly striking presence. At night, the whole red
and white structure is subtly floodlit, while the three trains manage to
burn your retinas with their day-glo liveries (bright green, bright
pink, and extremely bright yellow, respectively). To the average British
fair-goer, this will no doubt be an impressive sight, and arouse enough
curiosity to have them opening their wallets and heading to the paybox.
With that
little transaction enacted, it’s time to climb up into the loading
station and take your seat. Contrary to expectations, the seats are
incredibly comfy, like plonking yourself into a lovely deep orthopaedic
mattress. Given that this ride is from Pinfari, the company responsible
(or should that be “irresponsible”?) for such horrors as Drayton
Manor’s Klondike Mine and Brighton Pier’s Turbo, the amount of
padding could be taken as a warning of horrific roughness. After all, a
company like Pinfari, the “Happy Shopper” of coaster builders, would
hardly provide padding if it weren’t needed, would they?
When the 10
–seater train is full (and only when it’s full – even if that
takes all day), it’s time to depart the station and rumble to the lift
hill. From the lift hill, you can peer down at the layout, which is very
obviously “inspired” by the standard Vekoma inverted coasters (such
as TraumaTizer or El Condor), commencing with a first drop that twists
off to the right, before pulling into a butterfly-shaped double
inversion. Where Pinfari’s design differs is that the butterfly is
much more fluidly shaped than more sharply defined element, and has a
sprawlingly distinctive look of its own.
Once at the
summit, the first drop calls, and it’s time to brace yourself for the
worst. Amazingly enough, the worst never comes, and the drop works
surprisingly well. Charging through the ride’s structure, the
butterfly inversion beckons, and again works very well indeed. In fact,
it actually works better here than on the Vekoma rides. As the train
exits the second half of the inversion, the track fluidly morphs itself
into a tight helix, ploughing through the forest of support structure,
and leading up to the mid course brakes. So far so good. Tsunami has
been smooth, reasonably intense, and great fun. Maybe we’re going to
have to scrap all those suspicions we’ve ever had of Pinfari rides. Ye
Gods, a good Pinfari coaster? Are there no constants left in the world?
The brakes
remove a little speed, but inject a huge dose of reality into the ride.
What was a fun coaster suddenly becomes a dreary, uneventful, bore.
After a slow turnaround over the station roof, the train plods into the
shadow of the lift hill, and creeps around to the brake run, which is
itself sharp, and angled downward, as if to make a last ditch attempt to
exert a little G-force, albeit in a truly unpleasant manner.
The problem
with Tsunami is that it is fairly plain to see that the designers
concentrated so much on the first half of the ride that they then found
they had left themselves no room in which to do anything remotely
interesting with the remainder. Sure enough, what was a decent little
ride becomes nothing more than an inverted monorail, making a dreary
bee-line for the brakes, and rendering the ride stone dead in the
process. I can’t even find myself able to say that the designers have
failed in their attempts to end the ride on a high, as there is simply
nothing here that even suggests that anyone tried to make it thrilling
in the first place.
So, Tsunami is
a good first half followed by a lousy second half. So, does that make it
a good ride or a bad one? Well, it’s basic common sense that when
you’re trying to keep people entertained, the ending is by far the
most important thing to get right. Regardless of how good the beginning
and middle are, the finale is the one thing that will really stick in
your audience’s collective mind, and form the basis of their
judgement. Not convinced? Well, if you go to see a movie and are bored
rigid for the first 90 minutes, then enjoy a thrilling final 30, you
will leave the cinema feeling content. Likewise, you can go to a
fabulous two-hour concert, but if the last song isn’t a toe-tapper,
you won’t be going home with a spring in your step. Like it or not, we
humans have much shorter memories than we like to think we have.
This principle
applies as much to coasters as anything else. Look at any truly great
coaster, and there’s always a fittingly fabulous finale to leave your
heart pounding as you leave your seat and begin the post-ride discussion
with your friends. Want examples? Think of the final corkscrew of
Nemesis; the sublime final in-line twist of Thorpe Park’s Colossus; or
EuroStar’s devastating final helix. A good ending can even redeem a
ride that has a dull first half – you need look no further than the
Southport Cyclone for proof.
Tsunami’s
ending, by contrast, is so feeble as to be almost embarrassing. As
riders leave the train, the thoroughly respectable opening half no
longer dominates the memory, but instead the commanding sentiment is one
of sheer apathy. It’s certainly not likely that you’ll be scrambling
for another fiver to slap on the pay desk, which is probably the biggest
failing that a travelling coaster can have.
It wouldn’t
be, if you’ll forgive the pun, fair to directly compare Tsunami with
Germany’s spectacular travelling coasters, because Tsunami is designed
to operate in the UK fairground culture, which is infinitely more
restricted than Germany’s (of course, we could rant and rave about why
the UK scene is so stifled, but that’s not a can of worms I’ll be
opening here). What we can say, however, is that Tsunami should still
provide a good ride. Much as I hate to say it, Pinfari has just not
managed to pull it off. If I really want to say something more positive,
so I will add it’s the best Pinfari coaster I have ridden, but that
really is a case of damning with faint praise, given some of the
God-awful rides that bear their name.
Riding Tsunami
is like watching a rip-roaring murder mystery, in which the suspects are
gathered for the explosive final scene, only for the detective to say
he’s completely stumped, and he’s going home. As much as you want to
be generous, and say that you enjoyed every second of it, you just
can’t escape the feeling that something is badly missing. As a
fairground fan, I’d dearly love to fly the flag for the ride, and to
tell you that there’s a great coaster out there for anyone prepared to
forsake the relative calm of the theme park and venture into the urban
jungle of the fairground. Sadly, Tsunami is simply not that ride, and
the best I can say is that I hope we can sit back in a couple of
decades’ time and think “Tsunami? Ah yes, the ride that paved the
way for later, greater, British travelling coasters”. Fingers crossed.
JP 1 December 2004
Good points:
▪ A bold step for a UK
showman
▪ Good first half
▪ Much smoother than
other Pinfari looping coasters
Bad points:
▪ Atrocious
second half
▪ Can be expensive to
ride
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