Rock
'n' Roller Coaster avec Aerosmith, Walt Disney Studios
If you think about it, it’s a
real sign of the times when the Disney corporation can present a
celebration of rock ‘n’ roll. When the king of schmaltz sat in his
big comfortable chair and planned his first ever theme park, rock
‘n’ roll was the one thing that had the establishment fearing for
the world’s youth, and was exactly the kind of thing that would not
have been welcome at Disneyland. Amazing though it now seems, people
like Bill Haley and Chuck Berry were considered wild-eyed anarchists
corrupting the minds of young people. “Rock Around The Clock” was
considered genuinely outrageous, and the very sight of Cliff Richard’s
curled lip was enough to send parents apoplectic, fearing for the safety
of their daughters.
But that was more than half a
century ago, and the sense of gleeful outrageousness that defined the
arrival of acts like Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis has long been
replaced with a new breed of family-friendly rock groups who are about
as wild and as anarchistic as the royal garden party, and whose output
is no more likely to corrupt young minds than an episode of Sesame
Street. Bands like Aerosmith, for example. Yes folks, it was good while
it lasted, but true rock ‘n’ roll is dead and buried, and has been
for long enough to allow us to don our rose tinted specs and wallow in
rock nostalgia in the form of Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. Put it this
way, anyone joining the queue in the hope of seeing a dwarf balancing a
tray of cocaine on his head will be in for a disappointment.
As visitors step out onto the
vast ocean of flat tarmac that constitutes Disney Studios, they are
greeted by the ride’s entrance, clearly marked by a large 2D billboard
advertising the ride’s full name, “Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster with
Aerosmith”. Actually, this isn’t quite what it says, as the name has
been spectacularly translated for the benefit of the native audience:
“Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster avec Aerosmith”. This is Franglais at
its very best, and perfect for linguistically lazy Brits (for more
Franglais fun, see “Armageddon: Les Effets Speciaux”, and
Disneyland’s fantastically titled “Indiana Jones et le Temple du
Peril”).
Through the entrance we go, and
it soon emerges that Disney Studios isn’t just about movie
studios, as we follow the queue line into the foyer of a recording
studio. My own musical career sadly limited itself to the stylophone and
the spoons, so I’ve always wondered what such a foyer would be like,
and the magic of Disney provided my answer. Gosh, get your camera out;
it’s a desk with a chair behind it. I’m sorry if that sounds
disingenuous; it’s certainly a first-rate desk, and from what I saw,
the chair is not to be sniffed at either. As if the magic of Disneydesk
weren’t exhilarating enough, the other side of the room is adorned
with display cases exhibiting a series of guitars, signed by some of the
great exponents of this most iconic of instruments. I’ve no idea
whether these genuinely did belong to the people claimed, but they bear
suspiciously little evidence of having been smashed over speakers, or
thrown out of hotel windows.
Evidentially, we have “access
all areas” status, as we pass unimpeded through reception, and head
around the perimeter of a “hall of fame” decorated with posters and
memorabilia from five decades of rock music. It is certainly a relief to
find that the ride is a genuine celebration of rock, and not the sugary
homage to Aerosmith it could have been. As we move along, the names form
a roll call of rock history, from Hendrix to Pink Floyd, the Kinks to
Meat Loaf, and the Beatles to Metallica. Unfortunately, this does hammer
home the point that rock is, with a few notable exceptions, an
Anglo-American art form, and it is a shame that a few more acts from
mainland Europe aren’t honoured.
Into the next corridor, and we
await permission to enter the studio itself. When the doors open, we
shuffle into a small room for a pre-show that is technically superb, but
sadly underuses the facilities available. The idea is that we’re
eavesdropping on an actual Aerosmith recording session. In the
foreground, we see microphones and instruments; in the background, we
can see into the control room, where a producer is busy fiddling with
his faders and such like. The music sounds wonderful, with the walls
housing more speakers than the Ministry of Sound, while the film quality
is top notch, giving a very convincing illusion of snooping on a real
studio.
The music fades, and into the
control room come the members of Aerosmith, led by singer Steven Tyler.
Tyler is living proof that you don’t have to be pretty to be a rock
star, resembling a terrifying amalgam of Sid Vicious, ET, and an upright
vacuum cleaner. He offers a warm welcome (itself not very rock ‘n’
roll), and tells us that he’s just been on the ride. He raves about
the launch, “1G, 2G, 3G, 4G, then upside down”. He then witters on a
bit, in a speech seemingly engineered to crowbar in a few song lyrics
(something I wouldn’t dream of doing, my dear reader), before he
decides he’s had enough and departs, leaving us with precious little
time to enjoy the power of speaker system once more.
After a short while, a door
opens, and we are invited to walk this way. You may bemoan the complete
lack of storyline, but as other attractions at Disney Studios
demonstrate (most notably Armageddon), it can be extremely tedious and
confusing to watch staff go through the palaver of establishing which
languages each group requires, and then playing in anything up to half a
dozen soundtracks and sets of subtitles. Unlike such attractions, Rock
‘n’ Roller Coaster demands nothing in terms of prior knowledge, and
so the decision to completely abandon any attempt at a storyline is
probably a wise one. Besides, if Tyler had to do his spiel in six
languages, we’d have to see him for six times as long. Ye Gods.
From the lush surroundings of the
studio, it’s out into a rather post-apocalyptic looking back yard,
where we get our first sight of the limousine-themed train. In a rather
splendid touch, we first encounter the ride itself from a vantage point
just a few feet from the launch track, and it would take a more cynical
man than I not to be impressed with the spectacle. We continue ever
onward, past banks of monitors and flashing neon lights, and soon arrive
on a highly efficient loading platform.
Operation of the ride is quite
simply a joy to behold. We are left to our own devices to queue for
whichever seat we desire, a system that works extremely well, and would
be welcome addition to most coasters. Another pleasing sight is the
excellent dispatch times, with limos arriving and leaving at a rate only
otherwise seen at the Oscars. It’s always good to see a coaster
running to maximum capacity, and that’s just what is on offer here,
assuming you ever get chance to stop and appreciate what you’re
seeing.
And so your carriage awaits.
Unfortunately, these are Vekoma limos, so don’t expect luxury. In
fact, unless you’re a yoga guru or an incurable masochist, it’s best
to just grit your teeth and bear it as the overhead restraints and lack
of legroom combine to make this about as welcoming and comfortable as an
iron maiden packed with nine inch nails. The only consolation is that
you are not alone in your suffering, as your train holds a total of 28
victims, and everybody hurts.
As the train rumbles into launch
position, the onboard speakers subject us to Stephen Tyler’s
screaming. A screen flickers into life, and fortunately it is not
Tyler’s visage that appears, but a countdown. This all adds
immeasurably to the atmosphere, and builds up tension superbly. Zero
hour arrives, the music kicks in, and the train screams off like a bat
out of Hell. A narrow launch tunnel and subtle lighting help to make
this a truly exhilarating kick-off, and although Tyler’s claims of
hitting 4G prove slightly exaggerated, we’re into the meat of the ride
in just the blink of an eye.
Disney purists may be
disappointed to find that the interior theming is little more than that
of a nightclub. While this would be understandable, I don’t see
anything wrong with this philosophy. Let’s face it, rock ‘n’ roll
is supposed to be about exhilaration and spontaneity, and anything that
felt controlled and pre-prepared would feel wrong, so why not leave the
clever stuff to Space Mountain and enjoy a nice bit of OTT kitsch
glamour? If anything, my main complaint about the interior theming is
that is isn’t quite the lavish celebration of excess that it
could have been. I’d have loved to have seen the place alive with
lights, lasers, strobes, noise, and great balls of fire. This is
supposed to be rock ‘n’ roll, so it’s a shame see so much
restraint exercised in terms of spectacle. Don’t misunderstand me,
what is there is fine and does the job well, but compared to what could
have been, the whole building does seem pretty vacant.
Amazingly for a Vekoma coaster,
the ride manages to get the balance right in that it gives you far more
of a run for your money than you might expect from a Disney ride, but
doesn’t leave you all shook up. The lighting effects are just enough
to make you appreciate what is going on, and the scenery, though sparse,
is well positioned to help maintain a sense of speed and chaos. Even the
mid course brake adds to the ride, by giving an almost “Wild Mouse”
type flavour, sending you charging toward a solid wall, unable to see
the turn ahead.
Other than the opening butterfly
inversion, and the later corkscrew, both executed with surprising grace,
the layout consists largely of the type of swoops and dives that would
seem pretty dull if it weren’t for the scenery, lighting, and
lighting. As it is, however, it works fabulously well. As the train hits
the brakes, and Tyler sings his final note (I say “sings”, he could
well be gargling sulphuric acid, or may have caught sight of himself in
a mirror), there’s a feeling of true exhilaration. It’s that most
rare of things, a ride that combines the feeling of a good coaster with
the turbo-charged atmosphere of a well run Waltzer or Break Dance.
Whether that’s what you want from a Disney ride, I leave that up to
you, but it certainly did the job of getting the adrenalin pumping
through my dilapidated old body.
I’m not sure if it has been
noticeable through this review, but I’m not a huge fan of Aerosmith.
Nevertheless, I have to say that if there’s one thing that makes Rock
‘n’ Roller Coaster (avec Aerosmith, lest we forget it’s full
title), it is the music. This is largely because there are so few rides
that offer this sort of soundtrack. Lots of rides have orchestral
scores, and every fairground ride on Earth provides adrenalin-pumping
techno, and while these both work extremely well, a rock soundtrack is
so refreshing to hear, and works so beautifully that it’s astounding
to think that this type of music has been so underused. God only knows
how much I’d love the ride if it were “Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster
avec a group I actually do like”. If that were the case, I’d
happily re-ride until my spine conceded defeat against the restraints,
and I had to be dragged screaming from my seat (i.e. twice).
If I’m honest, I wasn’t
expecting a huge amount from the ride, as I had never been a fan of
either Vekoma or Disney, but Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster avec Aerosmith
is a genuinely excellent thrill ride by any standard. It has everything
you could ask for, thrills, spills, fun, exhilaration, and of course,
desks. Although thrilling, it is not too extreme for the more, let’s
say, “refined” tastes of the average Disney visitor, and indeed the
only truly scary part of the ride is having to see Stephen Tyler, who
even at a distance, and supposedly separated by two thick panes of
glass, scares the hell out of me.
The only downside of the whole
thing is that you have to decide whether Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster
avec Aerosmith is really worth paying the extra to visit Disney Studios
in the first place. With the exception of the Moteurs Action stunt show,
there’s precious little else to justify the studios’ status as a
separate park. Still, that’s a little beyond the scope of this review,
so I’ll leave it at telling you that if you decide to visit the
Studios, you will find an excellent ride waiting for you there. Just the
one, though.
Anyway, to tie in with the sprit
of the ride, I shall now proceed to give offer you Coaster Kingdom’s
first ever multilingual conclusion:
Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster with
Aerosmith is a ride with real sparkle. Thank you for reading.
Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster avec
Aerosmith est un ride avec real sparkle. Merci pour reading.
Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster mit
Aerosmith ist ein ride mit real sparkle. Danke für reading.
JP 16 April 2005
Good points:
▪ Original and entertaining theme
and soundtrack
▪ Genuinely thrilling ride
▪ Tremendously efficient operation
Bad points:
▪ Wasted pre-show opportunity
▪ Dreadful seats avec hideous
restraints
▪ Internal ride theming isn’t
exactly OTT
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