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While in Germany fairs are often tailored to the rides attending, in the UK rides have to adapt to the plot they’re assigned. Securing a plot large enough for a massive ride is easier said than done.

There’s also the problem that you’re paying for – say – six plots for a major coaster, but you’re still only getting the money you would for one or two plots. To a British showman, that is a false economy.

The next problem is down to logistics. If you have 85 trailers worth of ride, it is easier to get the ride around the country in Germany than it is in the UK. This is down to better motorways (or autobahns) and – more importantly – a culture that actively encourages the movement of such goods by rail.

In some cases, even rivers are used to move fair rides from A to B. One such example is where the Rhine is used to move much of Dusseldorf’s flotilla of rides by barge to Crange once the fair has finished.

The final problem is simply that our fairs do not last long enough, and that the turnaround time between them is too short. Eurostar – a 120ft tall Intamin/Giovanola inverted coaster – takes two weeks to build. Our showmen simply do not have the time or money to justify spending this long building a ride.

Our largest travelling coaster is M&D’s Vortex (formerly Tsunami), a compact 65 foot Pinfari inverted coaster which packs onto 7 trailers. By our standards, this is a monster – it takes almost a week to build up, and three days to pull down. Yet, by continental standards, this coaster is veritably pocket-sized.

Other than Tsunami, sorry, Vortex, there’s not much to offer in terms of coasters – we have a veritable mischief of mice, whether Wild or Spinning, and plenty of juvenile coasters, but it is as certain as death and taxes that we will probably never see a coaster like Eurostar in the UK.

Sigh. So much doom and gloom. Germany has better railways than us. Better rivers than us. Better fairs than us. Better coasters. What is a man to do? Emigrate? Well, no, don’t worry – not all is lost.

While Germany is still miles ahead of us in terms of travelling coasters, it is worth remembering that each fair normally only has a maximum of two major coasters. Dusseldorf for example has either the excellent Eurostar or Alpina Bahn accompanied by Starworld.

If you look at an average fair’s line up, though, that doesn’t equate to much at all. We’re talking 1% of the total ride line up here. It seems wrong to focus our jealousy towards a genre of ride that – while spectacular – only accounts for a few rides in the total line up.

In terms of spin rides, while we’re still oceans apart from Germany, the gulf of difference is drying up quickly.

Many things have contributed towards this. The fair industry is going through something of a recession at the moment. German showmen are far more reluctant to spend money that they don’t have. Continues...