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So, where should you look for a family coaster that genuinely does the job? Well, unless you’re going to be fussy over the definition of “coaster”, the most obvious place to start would be with the multitude of Runaway Train type rides. Alton Towers’ version, for example, is a fine family ride, and even the most fleeting glance at the train as it blasts by will usually reveal riders of all ages, all of whom will no doubt be enjoying the ride’s mix of swooping drops, pleasant surroundings, and the occasional burst of intensity. Thorpe Park’s recently departed Flying Fish offered much the same, and showed the flaws in Chessington’s technically identical Mine Train.

Elsewhere, Phantasialand’s Colorado Adventure goes for a more thrilling approach, with a never ending torrent of twisting drops and helices that constantly manages to keep riders happy, and always stays just the right side of becoming too intense for less adventurous riders. Disneyland Paris’s Big Thunder Mountain takes the opposite approach, creating excitement more through its location and its sensation of speed than outright thrills. Despite their differing approaches, not one of these rides can be criticised for leaving any age group completely cold.  

Maurer have helped forge a new interest in quality family coasters

Elsewhere, Maurer’s spinning coasters have become a firm favourite among those looking to build a good family coaster, albeit with mixed results. Whereas Spinball Whizzer is undoubtedly a decent family ride for the two minutes you spend in your seat, the problem is that a family, inevitably visiting the park on a non-school day, would be lucky to ride it with a queue of under 90 minutes, during which time it falls to the rest of the family to keep the youngsters entertained. By any standards, a family that requires you to bore yourself silly is a failure. If anything Spinball Whizzer’s presence detracts from Alton’s success as a family park, given that you either have suffer the tedium of the queue, or leave disappointed that you didn’t ride it at all.

By contrast, Dragon’s Fury at Chessington and the twin Winja’s rides at Phantasialand do the job extremely well, offering just enough thrills to keep adults happy, while offering excellent visuals throughout. Winja’s scores highly with its cavernous purpose-built Wuze Town setting, while Dragon’s Fury intertwines neatly with other rides and features. More importantly, because Dragon’s Fury looks like a major coaster, it offers youngsters a real sense of accomplishment, making them feel that they’ve ridden something far more impressive than any kiddie coaster. Winja’s clever use of trick track, meanwhile, gives both coasters an element of surprise that makes the whole thing so much more than “just” another coaster. The only niggle with these rides from a family perspective is that the back-to-back seating of Maurer’s spinning cars removes some of the sense of communality that would come with face-to-face seating.

Whenever you talk coasters, however, it seems that all roads lead to Blackpool, and indeed, if I am going to pick out one supreme example of a family coaster, the award has to go to the Pleasure Beach, where you will find a ride that has everything you could want from a family coaster. I am, of course referring to the park’s classic “gentle giant”, the Roller Coaster. This underrated masterpiece offers the perfect compromise between the gentle fun of the Zipper Dipper and the thrills of the Big Dipper, while adults enjoy the ride’s sense of timeless fun, and older riders can relive their youth with the ride’s immensely charming and engaging sense of history. The immense sense of freedom offered by the restraint-free cars enhances the sense of communal riding, while the ride’s size and layout offers young riders the all-important sense of achievement that comes from conquering a large ride. The fact that the ride very rarely builds up a significant queue in the icing on the cake of what is surely a near-unbeatable family ride.  

More often than not, water rides have broad universal appeal

Among the casualties of The American Adventure’s cull are the Nightmare Niagara log flume and Rocky Mountain Rapids. This is ironic, as not only are water rides among the most successful types of family ride, but The American Adventure’s duo are/were among the best around. Log flumes and rapids are almost always a park’s most popular rides precisely because they can be ridden and enjoyed by all ages. A good water ride is very much a communal thing, with the sense of drama and uncertainty over who will emerged unscathed, and who will come off soaked.

Indeed, among the many categories of family rides, the water ride is unique in that it is actually easier to think of good examples than bad, with Storm Force 10, Congo River Rapids, Loggers Leap, River Quest, Heide Park’s Schwarzkopf flume, Wild Wasser II, and the travelling Wildwasser 3 and Wild River Rapids all standing out being successful examples, and only Ribena Rhumba Rapids and Valhalla being obvious examples of total failure. In fact, Valhalla deserves special mention as a true masterclass in how to build a water ride that is truly appalling in every conceivable respect, with its clumsy motion, and constantly capsizing boats. On the positive side, it at least helps us to appreciate a decent flume when we ride it. Continues...