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A few minutes later, similar situation with Flamingoland. First, you’re forced to listen to an advert for their forthcoming outdoor Velocity concert before after a pause, the phone rings and you get through to a human.

Of course, much of this experiment is academic, as in these interactive times, many of the things you would call a theme park about can be found online, and the need for a leaflet is superseded by the inescapable fact that a theme park always looks better in new media than on a sheet of A3 paper, however glossy.

We visited each website with the aim of answering four questions:

▪ What the cost of admission is for a disabled visitor
▪ How best to get to the park, and whether public transport is an option
▪ What rides are available for my fictional adopted child, Yungatt Hart.
▪ And what restrictions there are for my fictional fat friend, Ima Biggun.

The first two questions are – I imagine – common. It would take a poor website not to answer these conundrums. The third, I would hope, would be answered in at least some detail, and the fourth while obscure, is arguably an important point – if you are a large person, there is a high possibility that you will not be able to get on many rides meaning a wasted journey could be saved if this is bought to your attention before you travel.

While the obstructive information lines at Thorpe Park, Chessington and Alton Towers give only basic information, their websites are all hotpots of easily accessible information.

Chessington’s and Thorpe Park’s (both designed by Semantic) both have Quick Info panels on the front page which address commonly asked questions on ticket prices, opening times, how to get there, what’s on in 2005 and information for disabled visitors.

Within 1 click, I find my answer to the first two questions. You can find out prices for every type of ticket available, and find out in detail what the best option is if you have a family for example. Transport information includes a clear map, and information on rail and bus links with links to further information like an online rail planner and the phone number for the Travelline.  

Alton Towers' site - looks great and full of sugar-coated information

Alton’s site is a similar affair, with the answers to the first couple of questions found within a couple of clicks, and height restrictions found in the park guide.

Both Chessington’s and Thorpe’s sites make it clear that certain rides have size restrictions. On Chessington’s ride guide, for example, the information on the Vampire warns that “for safety reasons Guests must be properly secured in the ride seat, which may not be possible for those with chest measurements approaching 51 inches”. Similar warnings are given on applicable rides at Thorpe, normally those with over-head restraints.

Surprisingly, Alton’s site seems to neglect this information, at least on the ride guide pages and on the “Plan Your Visit” page. The FAQ page also ignores what could be a big issue (excuse the pun) and only mentions height restrictions.

All three of Tussauds’ websites are excellently designed, and provide quick access to the useful information most visitors look for, as well as the ‘fluff’ like ride guides, photos and downloads.  

Pleasure Beach Blackpool's site - the information's there if you look in the right places

Similarly, Pleasure Beach Blackpool’s site is comprehensive, but it is a nightmare to navigate if you’re after information quickly. The first question, about ticket prices, isn't really answered at all.

Ticket prices can be found in the Pleasure Beach Blackpool shop, and while it lists various options such as tickets for family groups, it makes no mention of disabled visitors. Maybe disabled are expected to pay full price? If so, some clarification would have been a nice touch.

Within a couple of clicks, how to get there is clearly explained in the Park section. While it has the obligatory map and directions, Blackpool use their location to an advantage and tout the fact you can even fly to the park. Also, a particularly neat touch is the list of journey times from major towns and cities around the country.

Like the Tussauds websites, I can find what rides Yungatt Hart can ride in their Ride Guide. I’m not sure whether Blackpool have such things as maximum chest sizes, and their site doesn’t seem to answer my question. Being fairly well informed, I know it is rides with overhead restraints that cause problems, and while the Spin Doctor page mentions the height restriction, no mention of the fact larger riders may be left holding the bags.

Inland, Drayton’s site is wonderful. Answers to the question of value and how to get there are answered quickly by looking down the ‘Plan Your Visit’ menu, and height restrictions are listed separately under Rides and Attractions.

Ima Biggun, however, will once again be wondering if his grand girth will be accommodated on Apocalypse and Shockwave. Never mind, at least he can call the park and speak to a human.

Flamingoland's site - a fairly novice site, but just about does the job

Flamingoland’s website will hardly win the Victoria Cross of web design, but does at least go some way to answering our questions.

While height restrictions aren’t mentioned, rides are separated into two categories – white knuckle and ‘Kiddie’s Kingdom’ which should reassure doubting parents whether their little ‘un will have enough to do.

Ticket prices and directions can, bizarrely, be found under the Contact Us section, although as the site is still using their 2004 map, whether they’re actually current or not remains to be seen.

As for weight/size restrictions, this is another site that doesn’t make this clear. That said, again, I’m unsure how restrictive Flamingoland’s rides are to the larger rider. Continues...